He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.
“When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.” Luke 15:15-19
I’m in a toxic relationship with my credit union. It took me a while to come to that conclusion because I’m loyal to a fault toward people and things. I joined this credit union before I was even married, which means I’ve been with them for nearly 30 years. I loved that about the relationship. But then, I realized a few things. First, other places wanted to give me more benefits for less hassle. As a Christian, I’m fully aware of the grass always being greener on the other side. Thus, giving me more did not impress me. Then, their offers for basic services were better, and their bankers actually talked with me. They wanted to know me. Not just who they did business with. It was not just any customer service person on an 800-toll free line. Then my credit union gave me the ultimate insult. They denied me a special perk because they needed to see ‘more recent history.’ I thought to myself, “You mean near 30 years is not enough ‘history?’” So, I found myself asking what do I do? In my marriage, we fought through the first eight to ten years before hitting our stride, and to be clear, it is until death do we part. But I married Loretta. Not a credit union. So, I realize this is a toxic relationship that I must get out from under, and yes, I asked myself if this is somehow my fault. It is not.
Now I know this sounds silly because it is a banking institution and not a best friend or work relationship. But I’m sure some of you are dealing with a ‘toxic’ relationship or maybe there is one that you are just not sure if it is. How do you know when the relationship is no good for you? Could it be someone who just needs help and you’re not seeing it?
A healthy relationship with God is a good way to know what is healthy versus what is bad for you. Today’s verses focus on the story of the Prodigal Son. We all tend to know who the Prodigal Son represents in the story, but the aspect I want to focus on is the moment he recognizes where he does not belong where he is. Note the treatment of him. He was so hungry, the food he fed the pigs ‘looked good to him.’ Imagine the desperation and needs he must have had, yet, the farmer, any passer byers, friends, or anyone else offered him nothing. But, “[H]e finally came to his senses,” and realized this was not where he belonged. The relationship with those around him forced a change not just because he could not live under those circumstances. He realized there was something far better for him. Of course, this is only a parable told by Jesus, but there is much to learn from this segment of the story. First, there is the need and desperation of the son. Second, the disregard of others that chose not to help him. Finally, the understanding where one truly belongs and the need to walk away from the situation. Put another way, we can always seek something in a toxic relationship only for it to never be given to us. When comparing it to what God offers, we understand where our true loyalty should be.
We are so fortunate to have a God who has taught us how to love and be loved. We all have relationships that require work and time. Yet, there are some of these relationships that are just not worthy of our time. While I am not one to say anyone should give up on their relationship, it is important that we reflect on how God would view it. Ideally, their treatment of you equates to what you would expect from someone who both loves and respects as God would. There is a reason Jesus says:
You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37b-40)
Loving the Lord, your neighbor, and yourself are required elements in all relationships. When any of those are missing, it is easy to see why a relationship may fail. Let us strive to ensure all elements are intact for healthy God driven relationships with others. What relationships in your life need closer examination under a Godly lens? Are there levels of toxicity in your relationship that needs addressing? My prayer is that we see God as a way to sift through our toxic relationships. Amen.
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