This one is significantly longer than my normal fare. Go grab something to drink and make yourself comfortable.
I don't have any verses this week. There are times where God speaks to you through your studies, and there are times where he presses something on your heart with other means than the Bible. This is one of those times for me. So bear with me as I explain what's been going on with me the last few weeks.
Two weeks ago, I had a double-wedding weekend. One wedding was for family and one was for a very dear friend of mine. I can still very clearly recall the first time me and my friend went out by ourselves and got to know each other. We went for ice cream and she very quickly told me about her faith in Jesus, the devotions she was working on, and that her favorite book in the bible was Romans. Keep in mind, this was the FIRST time we had ever had a conversation with just the two of us. She boldly wears her faith and shares it with everyone she interacts with.
Her wedding was beautiful, and the speeches by everyone at the reception had a common theme: the bride's faith. Everyone talked about it, including in the best man speech. I was incredibly moved by how much this woman is driven by and for Christ. She's an inspiration to me, and I told her so when I was leaving the reception. She was stunned and shocked and even said, "What? You?" when I first told her, but I explained it all as fast as I could and hugged her as we said our good byes. She's on fire for Christ, and I want that fire, too.
I write these devotions and will occasionally talk of Christ with my Christian friends, but do I really go out of my shell and talk to strangers or people who are not Christian about Christ? Not really. That's what I told myself that I would start working on. I was going to make myself get uncomfortable, I was going to do it!
And, like most New Year's resolutions, nothing changed.
Last Saturday, there was a sudden death in my family. He was a dearly loved uncle and he will be sorely missed. It hit me particularly hard because I have some great childhood memories of him. He was Santa. Seriously. Our family personally knew Santa, and we've got the pictures and videos to prove it. Really! He'd make special appearances at parties throughout the year (not just at Christmas), and I remember once he showed up to a summer party in the red Santa suit with a sombrero.
My husband and I attended church on Sunday morning, and I was doing better. I honestly can't remember the songs we sang in worship at the start of the service, but the lyrics struck me at the time and it suddenly hit me. While I knew my uncle, I didn't know him that well. I didn't know if he was a Christian even. I never asked. I felt shame for having never talked to him about this and I felt despair at not knowing. I knew him as Santa! Tons of people had been posting to Facebook after he died to share their pictures of him, and share their memories of him, but not one person (that I saw) had talked about his faith.
It was then that I had my God-moment. That little lightbulb directly from God telling me, "Live your life so that there isn't any question about your faith. What will you be remembered for? Make the first thing that people think of when you die be your love for Christ."
That was powerful. Again, this was the start of service that this happened. I prayed to God for help in doing this. Help in making sure that people will see this first in my life. Before the pastor went up for his sermon, they played this video.
Bam! I felt smacked in the face by that video with what I had been thinking earlier. Yes, this was precisely what I was looking for. I had other things that, while they weren't my idols, people would surely think of first when they thought of me. I knew it. I had everything segmented into different aspects with my life, and I made sure that they didn't cross boundaries, so I never talked of Christ when I was in different situations. I kept those separate. I know then that I needed to make sure that people know I worship Christ.
The sermon continued that same thread. Here's the sermon (it's a long one), but take a watch if you have the time.
The sermon really drove home what I was thinking and praying about. After that sermon, I knew this would be my devotion for the week, so it's been brewing in my mind for a long time. I decided I'd survey my Facebook friends (thank you to those who participated) to see what the first thing was that they thought of when they thought of me. I was humbled by some, laughed at others, and saw my flaws with a few. However, the very first person that responded to my inquiry gave me exactly what I'm going to be working for. They said they first thought of my "love for God." That gave me affirmation that this is absolutely the direction I need to be going in for the devotion. It's my goal now to change everyone else's thoughts so that they, too, think of that first.
Yesterday was the memorial service for my uncle, and still, this devotion is swirling about in my head the entire time. I was talking with a family member prior to the service and it came up about what we wanted for our own funerals. I told her that I wanted to be cremated and have no funeral. I only wanted to have a get together somewhere with food, where people could talk and reminisce. No service, no hymns, just a simple family gathering. She told me that she originally thought she wanted Mo-Town music played, until her pastor told her that this would be the last time for her to give an impression on people and that the music should be hymns. She's still undecided on Mo-Town vs. hymns, but I sat quietly, while still ruminating on the devotion (seriously, this theme has been stewing constantly in my brain). I thought to myself, but if I'm going to be making my fire for Christ known to everyone, and everyone thinks, "There was a woman who lived for Christ," when I die, do I need hymns sung and a Christian service for a funeral?
No. My life for Christ will be my legacy. This will be what I live for, and what I die for.
I vow to make a change. I vow to no longer stay silent. I vow to not be politically correct when it comes to Christ. I vow to show my fire and boldly wear my love for Christ like my friend does.