Enough!

Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom.  But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

 “No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing.  What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.”  But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her.  He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.”  2 Samuel 13:10-17

“What’s wrong with you,” said my mother with clear disdain in her voice.  “What’s wrong, mom,” I replied.  She says, “Didn’t I teach you better than that?  Don’t you ever go through a door without opening it for the woman,” she said.  “Yes, mom,” I replied without hesitation.  As I grew older, there would be one day where a woman would look at me and become upset for my opening the door for them.  “Don’t you think I can open the door on my own,” she would ask.  “Yes, but I was just being polite as I would to anyone else,” I replied.  If you live in the Midwest, opening doors for each other is almost like standard operating procedure.  But, that never would have started if it were not for the first lady in my life: my mother.  You see, I open doors for men because it’s the courteous thing to do, and I open them for women because it’s the right thing to do. My mother taught me to have a higher bar of respect for the opposite sex.  

My heart is deeply troubled by the state of our nation in lieu of the treatment of women as of late, and to be honest, I have had enough of it.  In today’s world, we fight over who to believe when there is any act of misconduct.  Women who have been abused speak up, and we want to fall into the ‘he said/ she said’ line.  We somehow decided to blur the line as to who to believe strictly because it is expedient to ‘what we want to believe.’  The mistake I work hard to avoid is not to jump to a political, gender specific, or even personal view. Instead, I focus on a Godly one.  Why do we need to tear her story down so much?  Do we believe the other side is up to some ulterior motive?  Is our team’s record at stake?  Do we not realize just how wrong that thinking is?  What does it say to the women in our lives?  Here’s the thing.  To those who wish to make this a political issue, I will just say this.  It comes back to one simple thing.  All women are to be respected whether we believe them or not.  If I am ever accused of wrongdoing, my confidence has always been that my actions reflect what my mother taught me, and that and God would handle the rest.

God expects better than us.  Somewhere along the line, decency got lost.  I do not look to a side to blame because it is all of us.  We have somehow substituted doing the right thing for ‘they did it, and so I can do it’ mentality.  Well another thing my mother used to say is if everyone jumped off a cliff, you should too?  God does not want to hear your excuse.  He wants your submittal to His way of doing things.  In a discussion with a friend, we centered on the word ‘integrity.’  Our actions must be above reproach.  We have no control over what the world does to us.  We do have control of how we show love and reverence to God.  I was not comfortable writing this.  Not one bit.  But God made me uncomfortable to the point I had to because I am tired of women living in fear and us as men (and in many cases women) ignoring it like we had no stake in the game.  I love the women in my life far too much to let this lie any further.  If a woman comes forward regardless of your belief, stop tearing her down!  Period!  This must end immediately!

Women must always be respected and heard regardless of their motive.  I look at my wife, and I think of Ephesians where it says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:25-28)

While this only applies to my wife, it is the standard that I pray we uphold of all women.  I want to be clear.  There are zero acceptable excuses for disrespecting a woman making an accusation of abuse.  If you sense yourself looking for one, focus on Jesus saying, “But I say, do not resist an evil person!  If someone slaps you on the cheek, offer the other cheek also.” (Matthew 5:39)  How will you respond the next time a woman claims abuse?  How can you be more respectful of women as a whole?  My prayer is that God has prompted your heart to simply and unequivocally say, “Enough!”  Amen.